My Decision: Bruises Fade, But The Pain Remains The Same.

So many times in my life I'd had people question my decision to not drink. I've never quite understood this. Not drinking is a good thing! Being strong enough to say "no" makes me a better person. I don't really understand why anyone drinks, I've never took even a sip of anything and I have more fun than imaginable. I really don't understand it. I see drinking as being weak. It's a ploy to fit in, something people feel they need to do to be accepted. I've never felt that I need. I don't understand that need. Even the aftermath, throwing up, blacking out, doing things you didn't mean to, headaches....none of them seem worth it to me. I don't see how anyone could trade their health and well being for a few hours of "fun."

Alcohol has caused my life to be hell. My grandfather was killed in a drunk driving accident when my dad was only 2. While this is horrible this is what brought my Papa into my life. This is the only positive of this. However, alcoholism runs in my family. My father was an alcoholic which is why him and my mom divorced, he's gotten DUI's and had tried to stop but he just can't. It disgusts me. When my mom divorced him the decision was what was more important his family or alcohol, he chose alcohol. But the worst of all alcohol continued to ruin my life even after the divorce. When my mom married Jim. He was a raging alcoholic who would drink a 64 oz beer followed by a six pack. His drinking made him very violent. For SEVEN YEARS I abuse not always phyiscal but always emotional. Phyiscal abuse happened too. I've been slammed in doors, thrown down the stairs, hit, punched, anything you can think of. All because of alcohol. I'm so messed up now because that haunts me. It took me years to get it out in the open but I can talk about it now. He didn't stop until he realized I was old enough to report it, then he stopped. Still being called, fat, ugly, worthless, and unwanted everyday does a number on you.

I've surrounded myself with people that chose not to drink and if they have they don't do it around me. My heart broke the day I saw one of my best friend intoxicated and even through her drunkeness she could tell how much I was hurting. I HATE ALCOHOL. I always have and I always will. Don't look down on me because I'm strong enough to say not. I'm not going to ruin anyone's life out of my own selfishness like mine was ruined.