Movin' Out

I saw Movin' Out last night at MemAud! It was really really good. Nothing like I expected but it was so good. Being that it was a musical I thought it would be the characters singing and dancing and acting however, it wasn't. The set was very simple big metal almost cage looking things with the band on top, probably like 15 feet in the air. It was a really cool concept. There was a man that played the piano and sang. He was amazing!! I was so in love with his voice. The characters just danced. Of course, I didn't have a problem with it because I love dancing. You had to interpret the story through dance. It was an amazing experience. The dancing wasn't really my style (I don't care for bend legs and flexed feet) but other than that it was good choreography. There was a dancer who played the part of Judy and she was obviously very ballet trained. She had a gorgeous style, it was like a mini ballet at times. Ballet is my favorite, it's so beautiful and fascinating to watch. She even did a few numbers on pointe. Black pointe shoes for the military funeral. (Reminds me of my blue pointe shoes that ruined every pair of tights I owned. And being on stage in a 20's bathing suit was anything but flattering. AND THOSE PARASOLS...THEY WERE DEATH TO DANCE WITH) ...ANYWAYS, Over all the show was good. "She's Got A Way" was amazing and so was "We Didn't Start The Fire". But "Shameless" stole the show right at the very end. Oh, and of course "River of Dreams" had me dancing in my seat and feeling the urge to be a monkey. Oh, good old KDGC making us all crazy one dancer at a times. I figured the good ol' Singin' in the Rain pictures were suitable considering how much I brought up the blue pointe shoes.

Mystery Diagnosis

Well, I have no diagnosis. A few leads but nothing yet. It's not neurological. However, I do show signs of MS so I need to see a neurologist once a year. The few leads they got were the major one that they think and that is that I have Cushing's Syndrome. That is when there is a small tumor on your pituitary gland that is producing too much of the hormone cortisol. As a result, you gain in you central area, have joint pain and a lot of other symptoms that I have. So that's te biggest one. There were a few others like a virus that leaked into my nervous system, possibly a different muscle disorder, and a pinched nerve. I have more appointments on the 24th of March with a cardiologist and the Spine center. It is a possibility I might have a chronic pain condition and will have to see pain specialist and get shots for the rest of my life. I'm getting a tilt table test and MRIs on my brain and spine. I'm hopeful something will come out of this but terrified nothing will. Anyways, I'm dead tired so I'm going to take a nap.

I'm going to see Movin' Out tonight! It's here at school and Mara and I got tickets =]] (It's a play with Billy Joel songs) My next blog will most likely be about that

OH AND AND AND...I got an A on my Political Theory Midterm! It's a really hard class so I'm so happy I did well. I got a B+ and missed and A- by half a point on my Geography midterm and I got 100 percent on my Art Histpry term paper =] I have another mid-term tomorrow in English and I have NO IDEA what to expect for it.

4 more days...

The other night I woke up at 5 AM and my eyes were twitching. It felt like the room was shaking and spinning. I was terrified and I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to throw up. I started crying and I texted my mom hoping she would say she would come down. She wanted to but I knew she had to work and I had tests to take. I couldn't fall asleep I just layed there for hours and decided not to go to my 9 AM class. However, I went anyways because I'm such a damn good student...AND the class was 20 minutes long and the most pointless class of my life. Ugh. My mom spoke to a nurse who said I should have went to the emergency room when i felt like that...but I didn't want to be a drama queen.

In 4 days I will be at the Cleveland Clinic, finally. I finally will hopefully have some answers. I miss mylife so much. I miss being able to go out. Sometimes I probably wouldn't even go out but I miss having the option to. Life has become so difficult with this. Sometimes I just cry because I hate it so much. I want someone to walk a day in my shoes just to understand how I feel. I know a lot of people probably think I'm full of shit, but I'm not. This is killing me, it's completely tearing me up inside. I hate it, I would do anything to make it go away. Sometimes I sleep just because when I do I'm not dizzy. Last night I had a dream that I got a job and I turned it down because I said I knew I couldn't stand that long. Now I even can't escape being dizzy in my dreams. The day I get better I will never ever ever ever ever ever take life for granted EVER again.

I have an appointment with a doctor in internal medicine, neurology, and cardiology, someone has to find something....I can't live like this much longer.

Time to study for my Political Science mid-term.
I got a 94 on my Theatre History midterm! woo!
I go home Wednesday night, I'm so excited.

Vote For Taylor or Penelope!

It's super easy I promise!! Just click on the picture and vote for one of my babies!

Ohio University: Closed!

Wednesday January 27, 2009

Vote for Morgan or Casper!

I entered two of my babies in a pet photo contest can you guys please vote for them this week =]

My Decision: Bruises Fade, But The Pain Remains The Same.

So many times in my life I'd had people question my decision to not drink. I've never quite understood this. Not drinking is a good thing! Being strong enough to say "no" makes me a better person. I don't really understand why anyone drinks, I've never took even a sip of anything and I have more fun than imaginable. I really don't understand it. I see drinking as being weak. It's a ploy to fit in, something people feel they need to do to be accepted. I've never felt that I need. I don't understand that need. Even the aftermath, throwing up, blacking out, doing things you didn't mean to, headaches....none of them seem worth it to me. I don't see how anyone could trade their health and well being for a few hours of "fun."

Alcohol has caused my life to be hell. My grandfather was killed in a drunk driving accident when my dad was only 2. While this is horrible this is what brought my Papa into my life. This is the only positive of this. However, alcoholism runs in my family. My father was an alcoholic which is why him and my mom divorced, he's gotten DUI's and had tried to stop but he just can't. It disgusts me. When my mom divorced him the decision was what was more important his family or alcohol, he chose alcohol. But the worst of all alcohol continued to ruin my life even after the divorce. When my mom married Jim. He was a raging alcoholic who would drink a 64 oz beer followed by a six pack. His drinking made him very violent. For SEVEN YEARS I abuse not always phyiscal but always emotional. Phyiscal abuse happened too. I've been slammed in doors, thrown down the stairs, hit, punched, anything you can think of. All because of alcohol. I'm so messed up now because that haunts me. It took me years to get it out in the open but I can talk about it now. He didn't stop until he realized I was old enough to report it, then he stopped. Still being called, fat, ugly, worthless, and unwanted everyday does a number on you.

I've surrounded myself with people that chose not to drink and if they have they don't do it around me. My heart broke the day I saw one of my best friend intoxicated and even through her drunkeness she could tell how much I was hurting. I HATE ALCOHOL. I always have and I always will. Don't look down on me because I'm strong enough to say not. I'm not going to ruin anyone's life out of my own selfishness like mine was ruined.